GROCERY COUPONS

A whopping $201 billion worth of coupons were distributed last year for food and other common supermarket items, according to the PMA Coupon Council. (Not a surprising figure since around 201 billion flyers were delivered directly to our snailmailbox.) Seems consumers redeemed only $2.2 billion in coupons, or a paltry 1% of the available discounts. CHEAPIOSITY suggests that you think long and hard about taking better advantage of those savings. Frankly, the idea of blowing almost two hundred billion dollars in potential savings makes us a little weak in the knees.

Oh sure, it's a little mortifying to be that guy holding up the long supermarket line with a fistful of coupons, but if you're organized, the savings are more than worth it. And you can always wear a disguise.

Higher food prices are ahead; the Agriculture Department this week predicted they'll climb between 4.5% and 5.5% this year, adding about $350 to a typical household's expenses. Ouch. Don't just grumble. Do something about it. Clip coupons. Use them. It's the American way.

In an effort to get your hot little hands on some of this free money, CHEAPIOSITY checked out some Web-based services that promise easy access to discount coupons. Some of the sites allow users to print coupons directly. Other services charge a fee to clip the coupons from newspaper inserts and mail them to you. You should also check manufacturers' websites; they frequently offer coupons for both new and popular products.

We were initially excited about printable coupons: free discount coupons that can be used instantly -- what's not to love? Sadly, the selection of printable coupons on these free sites was disappointing.

Sites that offer to mail coupons to users require a little pre-planning because the coupons take four or five days to arrive. These coupons are clipped from weekend newspaper inserts from around the country. When the site runs out of a particular coupon, it disappears from the site until the next week, so we learned to visit the sites on Sunday and Monday for the best coupon selections.

Selection at mail-order sites was much more extensive than that of any local paper; expanded options include green cleaning products, brand-name goods and health foods. All these sites feature search tools and arrange coupons by supermarket aisle -- meat department, dairy, etc. We found it more convenient and faster to find and select the coupons online than to clip them on our own and clean up the paper cuttings after.

Even if you aren't usually a coupon clipper, it may be worth searching for costly items at a manufacturer's own website. Among high-end items that are worth a coupon search are vitamins and dietary supplements. Click on the Special Offers tab at vitamin-maker centrum.com, for instance.

For general coupon hunting, check out: thecouponclippers.com, a mail-order service. The site was easy to search, and the selection was large, including a generous assortment of coupons for meats and health foods.

One section offers expired coupons that military families can still redeem in a program for U.S. bases overseas. And in case we over-order coupons in the future, we found a list of participating bases to send coupons to at http://www.ocpnet.org/.

Other mail-order services charged a membership fee, so users need to be sure they will order enough coupons to make the initial cost worthwhile. Membership at centsoff.com was $7.50 a year, and there is a flat fee of $7.50 for up to 50 coupons. Grocerycoupons.com, onlinecoupons.com and grocerycard.com are three mail-order services that all link to the same coupons. They also have the same company address in Knoxville, Tenn., and coupon mailing fees, but membership fees vary significantly. Grocerycoupons.com charges $9.95 a year for membership, while the other two charge $99.95. Hmm. Guess which site CHEAPIOSITY recommends.

Among free services, smartsource.com, ppgazette.com and coolsavings.com all link to the same coupons. But with no search tools, finding our way around was time-consuming, and the selections were limited.

Printing the coupons at the free sites was easy. Coupons usually print only one or two to a page. In order to print, one needs to download a free applet, after inputting personal information on a registration form.

Also, take a look at the following article on 29 Ways to Save on Groceries http://www.honoluluadvertiser.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080529/LIFE23/805290312

So. Bottom line. Clip coupons. Sunday newspapers are chock full of free money. For more serious and devoted coupon clippers, the online options are there for you. Just remember: don't buy anything you don't really want or need just because it's a bargain. And if you DO decide to use coupons, keep them organized in an envelope or accordian file. And please. Don't hold up the supermarket line, fumbling for them at the last minute. This kind of bad behavior gives all us Cheapskates a bad name.

Read more!

SUMMER CAMP $MART$

For kids, summer camp is nothing more than canoe trips, swimming and making new friends, but for parents, it is no vacation for the wallet. (To be honest, some little campers are banished to the woods against their tiny wills. There, they suffer hazing, homesickness, and enough psychic injuries and insecurities to last a lifetime. Oh sure, most survive the trauma reasonably intact. Some even grow up to write blogs. Not mentioning any names. Cough, cough.) Camp costs add up quickly if parents aren't careful when making choices of where to send their children during the hot summer months.

Peg Smith, chief executive officer of the American Camp Association (ACA), says summer camps are not looking to break your piggy bank. However, it's important to know what camp will cost you -- from tuition to special fees for trips and amenities.

Don't be shy. Check into financial aid. Of the 2,400 camps accredited by the ACA, 95 percent offer "camperships," or scholarships ranging from discounts to free tuition, according to Smith. That's an increase from about 75 percent a decade ago.

Baby boomers have contributed to the campership boom, with memories of positive camp experiences motivating them to contribute at levels that have filled foundation coffers. As a parent, it's important to ask about these scholarship/campership opportunities.

Ask 'What sort of financial assistance do you provide?' It's true that camperships are usually awarded based on need, but parents shouldn't automatically assume that their income level will disqualify them. Just ask. The worse they can do is turn you down. The Foundation for Jewish Camping provides assistance at: http://www.onehappycamper.org .

Add a child. (This is impractical advice if you don't already have more than one child. It is probably not worth the expenditure to expand your family just for the camp discount.) If you send more than one child to the same camp, you're likely to get a discount. Sibling discounts can knock anywhere from 5 percent to 15 percent off the tuition cost.

Be an early bird. Early enrollment increases the odds of landing your child's first camp choice. It can also net you a deal on the overall camp cost. Early enrollment can also put you first in line to be considered for a scholarship.

Try to stay in the area. A plane ride or train trip (or even a long car ride with summer's ever- inflating gas prices) will significantly boost total camp costs. All things being equal, it's better to choose a camp that is closer to home.

However, while geography is an important consideration, parents ultimately should choose the camp that is right for their child.

Resist the urge to splurge. Most camps recommend campers bring items they likely already have, such as flashlights, sleeping backs, rain gear, play clothes, swimming trunks and sports equipment. Don't go out and make any special purchases unless you absolutely must. Parents tend to overpurchase. Get the camp list first and then think about shopping. Your little camper's success will not hinge on your purchasing a brand new designer wardrobe.

Know the refund policy. Sometimes, camp plans don't work out. Parents usually forget to ask about a camp's cancellation policy until they need to use it. Some ACA camps offer a total refund before a certain date; others will only do so in the case of an illness. Make sure you know the refund policy before you select a camp.

Ask others to contribute. More camps are offering gift certificates than ever before. Such certificates are a good option for people looking to give a holiday or birthday gift that lasts into the coming year. (Delayed gratification is a nice concept for your children, and let's face it: very few family homes need more stuff. Encourage grandparents and other relatives to help out with the camp costs.)

Help the camp (and it'll help you). Some camps offer discounts to parents who pay the entire tuition bill several months in advance of the camp session date. It gives the camp operating funds so they can do their capital project without having to utilize a line of credit with a bank and pay interest on it. Some camps also cut costs for the children of alumni.

Consider the payment option. Paying camp costs in installments could make the price more palatable. If you find a camp you really like, you should ask the camp director, 'What are my options?'" Most of them will work with you.

Create a canteen fund. With your child, set up a fund that will provide your camper with money to purchase snacks, hygiene products, bug spray, batteries and other items. Not only can this help you keep better track of camp costs, but it can teach your kids to budget their money.

Read more!

HOW TO SELL YOUR HOME IN A BUYERS MARKET

If you’re trying to sell a home in the current overstocked real-estate market, you already know that the days of white-hot bidding wars and quick-flipped condos are long gone. The National Association of Realtors says that 2008 home sales will be the lowest since 2002. And early numbers are bearing that out. Nationwide, home sales are down 24 percent from last year, while home prices have dropped 8.2 percent. If that weren’t worrisome enough, the U.S. housing inventory remains bloated and the subprime mortgage crisis has made it tougher for buyers to secure loans.

How can you make your home stand out from all the others on the market? Real-estate specialists offer the following tips:

Pick the right broker. Look for local agents who are listing, marketing, and selling in your community even if the market is slow. Ask several of them to make a "listing presentation" to discuss your home’s value, justify their numbers, and how they would market your property.Peter G. Miller, a syndicated real-estate columnist and creator of OurBroker.com, suggests that you visit open houses held by the brokers you’re considering to see how they handle a listing. Did the broker greet people? Was the home shown to its best advantage? (This includes details like removing pets. Miller recalls one open house where the owner’s roaming dog with "more teeth than a zipper" kept potential buyers from inspecting the backyard.) Once you decide on a broker, you have three types of listing options. In an open listing, you reserve the right to sell the home yourself and not pay a commission, but you also allow one or more brokers to offer the property. With an exclusive-agency listing, you have one broker but reserve the right to sell the property yourself. An exclusive-right-to-sell listing gives only one broker the right to represent you during the listing term and guarantees the broker a commission. Most Multiple Listing Services will post exclusive-agency and exclusive-right-to-sell listings.

Understand the real marketplace. To negotiate effectively, you need to know up-to-the-minute sale prices—not just what your neighbor’s house sold for last year—and the deal-making behind them. For example, two homes may each have sold for $400,000, but if one owner gave a 3 percent credit for deck repair and a new furnace, that’s a $12,000 reduction. Your agent should be knowledgeable about the details of sales in your area and be nimble enough to revise the marketing plan for your home to reflect changing conditions.

Sweeten the deal. Sellers are reportedly offering some unusual sales incentives—plasma TVs, cars, boat slips, vacations, and golf carts—but cash may still be king. For example, some sellers have agreed to pay condo maintenance fees for the buyer. "If six similar condos are on the market, and a seller offers to pay the first quarter’s maintenance fees—which run from $225 to $250 a month in this area—that $750 can help make a deal," she says. Other ideas include covering moving expenses or a month’s mortgage payment.In a slow market, offering to pay a "seller contribution" toward the buyer’s closing costs may make more sense than lowering the sales price. The closing costs include such items as the appraisal fee and title search, points to reduce the mortgage, and attorney and recording fees. Individual mortgage programs often allow seller contributions ranging from 3 to 6 percent. Borrowers need to check with lenders to see what’s allowed.

Offer a warranty against defects. A home warranty provides protection for mechanical systems and certain appliances against unexpected repairs in the first year. The cost ranges from $250 to around $400, depending on coverage. Companies that sell warranties include American Home Shield and First American Home Buyers Protection Corp.

Be flexible on the deposit. To "bind" a deal, the buyer should put down a deposit (separate from the down payment), which varies widely depending on the local market. You’d like the biggest deposit you can get, but in a slow market you may have to settle for less.

Curb your enthusiasm. Walk down your street, then walk back to your home and try to see what other people see. Tend to any overgrown landscaping, and make sure shrubs are nicely trimmed.

Use staging to enhance the home’s appeal. A professional home stager can make over your home to de-emphasize your personal taste and become more visually appealing to a broader range of buyers. Pros say the key is to clear out clutter and clean, clean, clean. Staging can extend from rearranging your furniture to preparing an entire house for sale with rented furniture and accessories. A two-hour consultation with written recommendations for do-it-yourselfers costs around $300. But a full staging of a large home could range from $500 to $5,000. Costs average around $1,800 in the Midwest, $2,800 on the West Coast, and $3,800 on the East Coast. Those fees are paid up front to professional stagers, but many real-estate agents include some staging as part of the services they offer that are covered by their commission.

Be ready to negotiate. Buyers are likely to be demanding in today’s market, so be prepared for hardball negotiating. Some brokers advise that you remove anything you absolutely can’t part with before you show the house.

Monitor and update your MLS listing. If it’s April, you don’t want the photo of your house on the Multiple Listing Service displaying a snowman on the lawn. An out-of-season picture is a dead giveaway that your home has been on the market for awhile. And with many buyers doing their first "look-see" on the Internet, the quality of the photos is paramount, too. Make sure that any unique qualities are emphasized in the write-up, which may not always be apparent, even to a broker. And proofreading the description of your home for the MLS and elsewhere is always a good idea.

Read more!

MAY BARGAINS

"It's May, it's May, the lusty month of May, a lusty time when everyone goes blissfully astray."

Okay, so maybe that only happens in Camelot; out here in the real world, we've got bargains galore. Here are a few:

1. We told you to buy your new TV in April, but if you check most retailers around Memorial Day, you'll find more terrific TV deals.

2. With Wedding and Graduation season rapidly approaching, now's the perfect time to buy Cookware even if you're not getting married or graduating.

3. New Vacuum Cleaner models arrive in June, so now's the time to buy that Hoover you've had your eye on, at reduced prices. Might also be time to dream bigger.

4. Although the biggest White Sales are in January, retailers are reducing prices on linens at this time of year to make way for the Spring/Summer selections, so check out sheets, towels, blankets, etc., if you're in need.

Read more!

BUYING A CAR

Update (1/16/09) - After you read this post, take a look at this article: http://money.cnn.com/2009/01/15/autos/car_buying.moneymag/index.htm?section=money_latest

Here at CHEAPIOSITY, we’re always happy to answer reader mail and reach out a helping hand. Don, a teacher in Studio City, California, wrote asking our help in buying a car. That just so happens to be one of our true time-tested talents. We walked Don through the CHEAPIOSITY process, and when Don didn’t exactly follow our guidelines to the letter, his misstep only created extra work for him in the end. You’d think a teacher would make a more diligent student. We finally beat Don into submission, and he now realizes that our way is the easiest way to produce cheap results. Here’s the CHEAPIOSITY way of buying a car. Pay attention. Don’t skip steps.


1. PICK OUT THE CAR YOU WANT.
Pick the color and all the options. (Do your homework and know EXACTLY what you want.) Drive the car and make sure you like it. Some people will even rent the car for a day or two to make sure it meets their needs. (We think it’s a good idea. Check our post about travel, and you’ll know how to rent a car on the cheap.) Don’t worry about what dealership you go to. Wherever you go, whatever you do -- don’t get chummy with a salesman. This is a fact finding mission only.


2. FIND THE BEST PRICE.
Okay, so you know what you want down to the final option. It’s time for the next step -- FINDING THE BEST PRICE. Go to either http://www.edmonds.com/ or http://www.kbb.com/ (The Kelley Blue Book website), and follow the links to the car you want. Then email several dealerships; choose the dealership most convenient for you and three or four others farther away. The reason you want to do this through the Internet Sales Department is because they are usually tied to the Fleet Department. They sell multiple cars to Corporations for their employees and have better prices. See what they respond with. They will want you to come in. DON’T GO INTO THE DEALERSHIP. The deal takes place via email and phone exclusively. The next time you set foot in the dealership is to buy or lease. Edmonds and Kelley will tell you about any promos, rebates, or dealer incentives so use this information to your benefit. Once you hear back from the salesmen, use their information to pit them against each other for your business. (For example, tell Dealer ABC: Dealer XYZ offered this lower price; can you match it?) Feel free to lie about a lower price than you’ve actually been offered. (Salesmen will do the same to you and complain they’re losing money on the deal. Yeah, sure. That’s gonna happen.) By this point, you should divulge whether you are buying or leasing. When you get to the point where the salesman says they can’t match the price, then you know they’re getting to their bottom line. That price should be very close to or below the dealer invoice that you got on the websites. Don’t feel bad for the salesman and the dealership; they are still making money from the manufacturer through back-end deals or volume sales that we are not privy to.
Consumer Reports offers a New Car Price Service that gives you their “CR Bottom Line Price” for $14. We’re way too cheap to use the service, especially since we do just fine on our own. But if you’re lazier than we are, check it out at:
https://ec.consumerreports.org/ec/aps/order.htm?INTKEY=nc5-nchome
The object here is to get the lowest price and at the dealership most convenient to you. Once you have achieved that price, FAX back and forth all the necessary information, applications, etc. that the dealership needs, so that your actual visit is short and sweet.


3. FINANCING
Depending on your credit score and whether you are buying or leasing, they will give you their rate through their banks or the manufacturer’s financial arm. If you are buying, check around to see if you can get a better interest rate through local banks, http://www.bankrate.com/, or your Credit Union. If you are leasing, make sure that they’ve given you the best deal they offer. For example, sometimes a 39 month lease is better than a 36 month lease, etc. With a lease, you want to put up either $0 or first month’s payment, drive-off costs (license plates, etc.) only. You do not want to pay any cap reductions (money to reduce the price of the car, to make the payments lower. Let the dealer reduce the price of the car. That’s money you never see again.)


4. TRADE-INS AND LEASE RETURNS.
You’ll notice we have made no mention of trade-in or lease returns until now. Why? BUYING A NEW CAR AND GETTING RID OF YOUR OLD CAR ARE TWO SEPARATE TRANSACTIONS AND SHOULD NEVER BE LUMPED TOGETHER! The salesman will press you to know what you’re doing with your current car. Your answer is, ‘I haven’t decided yet.’ If you have a trade-in, take the car to a CarMax-type place (http://www.carmax.com/). They will tell you what they will pay for the car; it will be lower than the price you’ll find on Kelley or Edmonds. It will however give you a realistic appraisal of your car; you will want to get more than that and you can. Armed with this information, go to the dealership and find out what they’ll give you (you are still in fact-finding mode; as far as the dealer is concerned, ‘you haven’t decided yet.’) When a big company or dealer buys the car, there’s an approximate $5,000 differential between what they pay and what they will sell it for once they spruce it up. There’s very little room to negotiate at a CarMax-type place, but the dealership wants you to buy a car from them, so negotiate away on the trade-in. Bring print-outs from Edmonds or Kelley to show them what they say the car is worth (you probably won’t get that amount, but you’ll get more than what they’ll offer if you come in empty-handed and unprepared.) With leased cars, most are sold at auction and then resold by used car lots, so there’s a lot of competition out there, which won’t help you with your individual sale.


Obviously, the most advantageous way to sell a car is to do it yourself, but a lot of people don’t want to bother. You do the math about whether it’s worth it to you, dealing with crazy people that might show up from an ad on your local Craigslist or eBay. (We don’t get how you buy a car or boat from a seller in another state, but that’s another story altogether.) Also, bear in mind that this is another way dealerships make money. They make money from the sale, from the financing. and from the trade-in. Your job as a smart consumer is to keep those amounts minimal. For example, if you’re buying and are paying cash, keep that your little secret until you’ve agreed on a price. Paying cash loses the dealer the income they make from financing or leasing.


If you’re leasing, take the car (or some car makers have people to come to you) and find out if there are going to be some additional expenses for bodywork, new tires, etc. and find out what the dealers are planning on charging you. It may be cheaper to fix dents and scratches or replace tires yourself. Also, if your lease isn’t up for a few weeks or a month, wait until then to pick up the car OR ask the dealership to credit your last payment. BOTTOM LINE: don’t spend what you don’t have to.


5. FINAL THOUGHTS
Check newspapers for special rates or promotions.


Buy at the end of the month when dealerships and salesmen need to meet their quotas.


Don’t finalize your sale or lease too far in advance. Every month, sale and lease deals change for the dealership. Don’t negotiate for a car in April that you want to lease or buy in May. Start your shopping at the beginning of the month and finalize towards the end when the dealerships are hungry.


Be realistic about the trade-in price. (We helped a doctor we know, and he was shocked at the trade-in price since both Kelley and Edmonds appraised it higher. Doctor X over-valued his car as in ‘good’ condition, when it was actually in ‘fair’ condition. All the “minor” scratches and dings required body work and repainting. The doctor thought his low mileage was a BIG factor; while it was a plus, the car was still 8 years old! We took him to CarMax for a reality check. The doc didn’t take into account that he was paying cash, meaning no finance profits for the dealership. We ended getting the dealership to kick in $2000 more for his old car. Lastly, he was buying a BMW, in an area where 80% of BMWs are leased; the manufacturer isn’t that interested in car buying since they make the majority of their money though the additional profits from leasing. That means a large amount of lease-end BMWs are being sold at auction, which gluts the market in used BMWs for sale. All these factors play a part in your deal which is why we emphasize doing your homework.)


If you buy, check with your auto insurance that you have ‘gap’ insurance which covers the difference between what the car is worth at a time when the car is stolen or totaled and what you may still owe on the car. If not, you might want to consider buying it, cut the price the dealer offers you in half, or buy it online.


Never buy a car you’ve leased because if you add up what you paid in the lease plus the cost to buy, you’ve overpaid exorbitantly for the car.


Don’t buy undercoatings, overcoatings, paint protectors, extended warranties, etc. All those frills and options can be purchased later online for much less…or even better, never.
When you pay, put as much as you can on your credit card and earn miles.

After your warranty expires and you want to know if the repair place is ripping you off, here are two sites that help you level the playing field and let you know what a fair price is in your area: http://www.driverside.com/ and http://repairpal.com/.

P.S. Back to Don for a moment. Don bought his Toyota Prius. Because the Prius is in demand, many wouldn’t even consider negotiating. Ha. And ha again! Fuel economy, environmental advantages and general coolness aside, our new best friend and follower Don got several thousand dollars off and a much higher price for his trade-in than he expected, all by following our simple steps. (Okay, full disclosure time. We went with him at the final transaction and bullied the saleswoman.) Don also got a very low interest car loan through his Credit Union, much better than what Toyota Financing offered even with his excellent credit score and previous Toyota owner status. The is the outcome we strive for. You can do it too. If you can’t have us go with you, invite an intimidating/cheap friend to keep you from buckling under sales pressure.

Read more!

POSTAGE

Did you know that postage is going up again from 41 to 42 cents on May 12, 2008? Well, smarty pants, did you know that you NEVER have to pay that increase? NOT EVER!

...

(We could rant about skyrocketing postal costs, but frankly, we still think it's pretty remarkable that we can stick an envelope in a box and get it clear across the country to exactly its intended audience in only a few days. We're pretty pumped that they can read our handwriting. See? For curmudgeons and cheapskates, we are surprisingly easy to please. But we digress. Which is a large part of our considerable charm, or so we are told.)

...

Anyway…Have you heard about the Forever Stamps? The Post Office started selling them before the 2007 rate increase. You buy these stamps at the current rate, and they are good for first class postage FOREVER.

...

No more 1 or 2 cent stamps needed to old stamps after a rate increase happens. Naturally, CHEAPIOSITY stocked up before the 2007 increase, so we'll be ahead 3 cents after May. It may sound like a little bit, but over time, these things add up….In fact, CHEAPIOSITY had better get over to the post office to buy some more before the rates change.

...

You can see what the (FOREVER) Liberty Bell stamps look like on the USPS website, but don't you dare order them online. You'll be charged for shipping and handling. Duh. There goes your savings. ... http://shop.usps.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=10152&storeId=10001&productId=29351&langId=-1

...

Read more!

KOFFEE TALK

Starbucks' sales are declining. Gee, we wonder why. Maybe because their regular customers are starting to do the math.The average Starbucks brew runs somewhere between $1.50 and $4.00 depending on what fancy shmancy stuff you add and what nonsensical Fritalian name they call it. For CHEAPIOSITY's purposes, let's meet in the middle at $3 for a cuppa joe (mixed/blended with some syrup or dairy product and maybe some ice.)

Let's say you indulge your premium priced caffeine habit three times a week. (Most addicts of our acquaintance go daily, but we're trying to lowball the numbers for you. We would never dream of exaggerating to make a point. Actually, that's exactly what we dream about. Well, that and locking our street clothes in our middle school gym locker and having to go to Algebra class in a towel ... but we digress.) Three cups runs you $9 a week. For you mathematically impaired, that comes to $36 a month, and a whopping $468 a year. That's no chump change. That's a lot of money no matter how you slice it. Or drink it.

(If you're imbibing daily, that's $15 a week, $60 a month, $720 a year. You see how this goes...If you're part of a couple, that little caffeine habit's running you a cool $1440 a year.) Conceivably, you could put that much money to better use for housing, groceries, clothes, gas. (Cripes. Our first Manhattan apartment was only $340 a month. Jealous? Don't be. We're a whole lot older than we look. Thank you, sunblock, Clairol, and low-watt bulbs.)

We know what you're thinking. "Hey, smartass Team CHEAPIOSITY, I like that good java. Stop doing math and provide us a suitable alternative."

We're here for you.

You already know you can buy Starbucks at the supermarket. It's good but it still costs between $8-10 for a 12 ounce package. That's pretty expensive. Look. We know that the Starbucks name is only part of the joy of consuming Starbucks coffee. You groove on the social scene. You like feeling part of the community. You like supporting a company that charges a lot for a little so they can treat their employees well. The anti-Walmart. Besides. you've grown accustomed to seeing that obnoxious guy with the laptop pretending he's working on his screenplay every day, treating the place like his office. And we know how much you enjoy those desperate housewives in their jogging suits power-walk-talking two miles every morning to order their two thousand calorie mocha-chocolata-yayas for the trek home.

We feel your pain and have come up with a (partial) solution.

(Frankly, you're on your own with the whole Starbucks gestalt: people-watching and the coffee as philanthropic Support Your Local Barista thing. We're all about your money. And your coffee.)

The secret to good coffee is the quality of the bean and freshness. Costco to the rescue! Costco now roasts its coffee in the stores and gives you a choice of beans from all over the world. When you buy your coffee in the supermarket, you don't know how long it's been sitting in the container and under what conditions it's been shipped and stored. That freshness affects the taste of the bean. At Costco you can buy 2.5 POUNDS of fresh roasted coffee for only $8.99. That's right. Fresh roasted coffee beans for $3.60 per pound! Buy the beans whole and grind it as you need it. Don't have a grinder? Buy one. You can find one for $15 or less at your local Target or Kmart or wherever. Store your coffee beans in a cool, dark, dry place in an airtight container. Use good-tasting water -- filtered, bottled or from the tap if you're lucky to have good-tasting municipal water. (Ours is Chunky style with extra additives. We wouldn't feed it to our cat, let alone brew premium coffee with it.) Finally, brew it yourself! Take your coffee to work in a thermos. Reheated brewed coffee doesn't taste as good. And you've got your Starbucks quality coffee right at your desk. You can even use a Starbucks thermos and impress people who care about such things.

You can even make your own espresso, cappuccino, lattes, schmattes, whatever. Really. You can. Be your own barista. Break that Starbucks habit now. A few years of brewing your own could save you LITERALLY THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS. THOUSANDS.

Remember the real secrets to Starbucks (or whatever coffee shop you frequent) are bean quality, freshness and water.

Oh yeah. Just FYI. That guy in the corner with the perpetually unfinished screenplay is probably just surfing for porn. Non-Starbucks dependent "exercise" crew members can still walk their daily two miles with their friends, carrying a thermos and blazing new trails. Imagine all the styrofoam and plastic and cardboard (and calories) you'll save.

You're welcome.

Read more!